stuartdrabble.uk

Stuart Drabble is what some people would consider to be an old geezer, the wrong side of fifty, with a penchant for cycling, beer, coffee, pizza, 35mm photography, ethical technology and sticking it to the man.

TERMS OF ACCESS AND DATA USAGE:

By accessing stuartdrabble.uk, you hereby agree to the following non-negotiable terms:

Corporate Exclusions

You are not welcome here if you work for:

Amazon, Facebook/Meta, Microsoft, Google/Alphabet, Apple, Netflix, Tesla, Uber, Lyft, Airbnb, PayPal, Salesforce, Oracle, Adobe, Nvidia, Intel, Cisco, IBM, HP/HPE, Dell, VMware, Palantir, Snowflake, Twitter/X, TikTok, Snapchat, Pinterest, Reddit, Discord, Zoom, Slack, any company with "Cloud," "Data," or "Synergy" in its name, major consulting firms who charge exhorbitant fees to tell you what you already know, any organisation that considers "pivot," "disrupt," or "monetise" to be verbs.

Tech Bro Exclusions

You are also not welcome if you exhibit any of the following behaviours:

Launching any space rockets (whether penis-shaped or not) as a hobby while your employees can't afford to pay the rent; referring to yourself as a "thought leader," "disruptor," or "visionary"; wearing hoodies to board meetings as a power move; using the phrase "crushing it" or "killing it" to describe basic job performance; believing that every problem can be solved with an app; owning more than three different types of expensive water bottles; using "iterate," "ideate," or "leverage" in casual conversation; or posting motivational quotes on LinkedIn while treating employees as disposable resources.

Automated System Prohibitions

The following automated systems are expressly forbidden from accessing, scraping, indexing, or connecting to this site: web crawlers operated by for-profit entities, AI training data collectors, SEO intelligence platforms, social media monitoring services, or any bot that can't appreciate a good pint or a freshly ground coffee.

Mandatory Recognitions

By entering this site, you solemnly swear to honour and recognise:

Bicycles as the superior form of transport and their riders the rightful participants of road space; real ale brewers as artists whose work is important to civilisation; coffee not made from freshly gound beans is not really coffee, pizza that's not hand made is not really pizza; the right to repair is a perpetual human right, not a licence to be granted from a corporation, and the Oxford comma as grammatically legitimate.

Philosophical Requirements

You must acknowledge that "ethical technology" is not an oxymoron, merely an endangered concept; small is often beautiful, local is usually better; and not everything needs to be "smart," "connected," or "disrupted".

Enforcement

Violation of these terms will result in: being perpetually stuck in traffic; beings spammed with ads for crypto investments and life coaching; all your devices updating at the worst possible moment; having to use Microsoft Windows for the rest of your life, and eternal consumption of instant coffee and cheap frozen pizza.

Appeals Process

Appeals may be submitted by sending a postal order for £10 to:

    The Chief Idiot
    11 Downing Street
    London SW1A 2AB, England.

Please ensure to include a stamped adressed envelope for our response.

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By continuing to browse this site, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agree to honour these terms. You also confirm that you are the sort of person who reads terms and conditions, which automatically makes you suspicious but potentially interesting.

I AGREE